I js can't help but be jealous ...

I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I ws nervous when we were first gonna meet. Mostly because I thought you would hate it if I wsn't what you expected... But I ws. You even said I ws more than what you expected which made me hella happy. Because, you were everything and more too. The car ride to Santa Anita ws a bit awkward, not gonna lie but once we were out and you grabbed my hand, it ws js so... damn perfect. Like in the movies... there ws a feeling in my heart that I've never felt before, it js felt so right. I ws watching How to Train your Dragon, but most of the time I ws watching you, weird? Maybe, but everytime I ended up realizing I ws in your arms, we're watching a movie, and I couldn't help but think, ws I in love? It ws a feeling that I can't even start to explain... like the butterflies flew up to my heart and evolved into something greater. The feeling ws in my heart, and I remember is so clearly... and then getting up from the movies and walking around... you know what I loved the best? Knowing that other people were looking at us, and I could see it in their eyes, jealousy. I mean, I would be jealous too. :) Then we went to Cue and after and about the 4th picture in, I kissed you on the cheek. I don't know why I did it, but I did, then the picture after that, you kissed me on the cheek. The pictures were fucking cute :D But... when we were waiting for the pictures to print, we kissed. And it ws by far the most amazing kiss I ever had... not that I really remember my last kiss LOL! But... the rest ws basically sitting in your car, talking, doing stuff, haha :) But yeah, the day after when I woke up I ws like "did yesterday really happen?!" Then I smelled your cologne... and remembered that I ws in your sweater <3 I don't know, you're not the guy that I would usually go for, but you make me feel so fucking important. Now that I know how much you mean to me... whenever I see you texting/talking to another girl, I get jealous, of course... but that's js cus you mean so much to me. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. But it seems like every guy that I really really really like ends up having to go... I can't believe that you have to leave to boot camp soon... 6 months without texting/seeing you is gonna kill me. I know we can write letters but PP, you've made such a big impact on my life... I js can't imagine my life without you. I see you flirting with this another girl and I get really defensive... we had our first fight today. Like literal fight and I cried...do I ever cry over a guy? No... but knowing that you were upset at me hurt me more than anything in the world. What made it worse is that HSM3 ws playing on Disney and the whole time I thought about you. I fucking love you hubby. I love you so fucking much and I can't even explain it.
Auburn - Perfect Two
Perfect song for you... <3 I love you PP

Genuine .

Hard word to describe, eh? Dictionary.com defines genuine as "possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real." There comes up another word... authentic. Is anyone in the world really genuine? Authentic? Sadly, no. Or in my eyes, no one in genuine. No person in the world is them self. As human beings, we are all ideas of other people. Although a single human being cannot be genuine, our feelings can. I experience genuine happiness today. Sure, it lasted for a little bit.. but it wasn't artificial. It wasn't me wishing that I was happy so I was. It wasn't drugs, it wasn't a sugar rush, it wasn't anything. It was me accepting myself for who I am and not caring what other people thought of me. It was weird, I was always so caught up on other people's thoughts, what the newest trend was, or anything. I was what other people wanted to view me as, and today, I just decided to be myself. I accepted myself for that, and no one really noticed a difference. It was weird... because I didn't care if someone was like "Wow, Nicole's being weird today," or anything like that. I just wanted to be who I wanted to be. Another thing that made me happy was just being worry-free about love. Too many people in high school stress over love and break ups. I'm sorry to break it to you, but we're in high school. Focus on what's important and don't waste your childhood years. My secret? I love watching kiddy shows, just being a kid makes me happy. I don't want to ever grow up, but at the same time I'm getting more mature. It's a weird process. I don't need to look cool, I don't need to dress to impress, I don't need the drugs, I don't need the image. I need to be Nicole Kim. I accept that I'm still a kid and I love it. Learn that, maybe you'll find some happiness too. Get into a DILLIGAF mood, life will be so much easier. :)

-Nicole.